Canadian Sunset

By Terri Elders

“One aspect of serendipity to bear in mind is that you have to be looking for something in
order to find something else.”—Lawrence Block

By the time Ken and I flew to northeast Washington State to shop around for our future retirement home, I’d lived, worked or travelled in forty-nine countries. But I’d never set foot in Canada. A native Californian, I envisioned Canada as a frozen wasteland dotted with icebergs and igloos. And now my husband of not too many years wanted to move in right next door, to a county that edged the Canadian border.

So that January I’d taken a week’s leave from my Peace Corps job in Washington, DC. I wanted to reconnoitre this area in the dead of winter before I committed to such a proposed move. During that brief 2004 visit our real estate agent daily escorted us up and down Stevens County’s Highway 395 corridor. Together we tramped through ranch houses, log cabins and even farmhouses, from Loon Lake to Kettle Falls, slogging through half a foot of snow to reach each entryway. By Saturday, weary and chilled, I nearly cheered when our guide announced she took Sundays off.

“We could drive up to Grand Forks in British Columbia for an early Sunday supper,” Ken suggested the next morning. “It’s less than an hour and a half from here.”

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Counting the Asparagus

plateddinnerby Gabriella Brand

I have a beef about Canadian dinner parties. And it’s not the beef. It’s the way the food is actually served.

Every time I’m invited to an Anglo-Canadian home for a meal, there are no serving bowls in sight, no family-style platters. Instead, the host or hostess invariably “plates” the offerings. Even with just two or three guests. This is done quietly, without fanfare, out in the kitchen, perhaps with a pair of calipers and a yarn scale. On each plate, the host makes a little section for the salmon, a corner for the quinoa, a parcel for the squash. Neat and tidy. A work of art. Then the whole presentation is placed down in front of each guest like a steaming piece of needlepoint. Ta-dah!

At the risk of sounding like an ungrateful guest, I’m going to ask a question.

A culturally insensitive question.

What gives?

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Win Tickets to See Alton Brown in Toronto!

Alton_Picture copy

We’ve got a pair of tickets to give away to see Alton Brown at the Sony Centre in Toronto on March 27th.

With his upcoming tour, Alton Brown brings his brand of quirky humour and culinary-science antics to the stage. The two-hour show is a unique blend of stand up comedy, food experimentation, talk show antics, multimedia lecture, and, for the first time…live music. Audience interaction is strictly enforced throughout the evening, though if you’re called upon as a culinary assistant you’ll definitely want to take the lab coat Brown offers, as things tend to get messy. Brown has worked his weird magic on live audiences across the nation for over a decade but this is the first time he’s actually hit the road with a live tour. The entire family will have a blast, especially as you sing along with Brown’s soon to be hits “Airport Shrimp Blues” and “TV Cookin Ain’t Like No Other Cookin”.

Contest is now closed and the winner has been notified via email. Thanks to everyone who entered and congrats to our winner – hope you enjoy the show!

Prize is 2 tickets to see Alton Brown at the Sony Centre on Friday, March 27th, 8pm. No cash value, prize is not transferable, winner’s name will be left at “will call” at the Sony Centre box office.

How to Select Prime Rib, a Nearly Perfect Last Meal


by Timothy Fowler

Milestones of my life are momentous meals: graduations, weddings, and birthdays come to mind. Sunday night is a momentous meal – a going-away dinner – the whole family has been planning and preparing for a while now. We’re having roast beef; more specifically – prime rib. Dad’s favourite. I want it to be perfect, grudgingly accepting nothing is perfect and squishing the space out between perfection and reality so that you can’t slip even a meat thermometer through it. Wanting it so nearly perfect that no one will notice.

While boarding an aircraft to return to my parents home for this final meal, thoughts of Mom and Dad in the early days swirl in my head. I envision them as young parents, scrimping, no meat in their menu, save a sale on ground round, or an occasional discounted knuckle of Hereford.

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This Little Piggy Went to Market…in Mexico

beverlywood_fruitby Beverley Wood

When I went to my first real Mexican market or “tianguis” (tee-ang-geese), it was over-the-top exotic to me. The sounds, the colours, the produce, the dollar store junk, the jeans, the incense, it went on and on. Now, if I need anything in Mexico, from underwear to goldfish, I hit the tianguis. But mostly, it’s where I grocery shop, especially when entertaining.

While they are farmers’ markets in the purest sense, the Mexican tiangius is nothing like the St. Lawrence Market in Toronto, the Granville Island Market in Vancouver or the Seaport Market in Halifax. It really feels like another world. Yes, they all sell food. However, strawberries at the tianguis, for example, are piled high on a plastic tablecloth like a mountain peak. And a kilogram of these red, ripe, beauties only cost me the equivalent of $1.20 CAD. In January. In June, they’re 80 cents.

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Fisherman’s Brewis – Almost Edible

RichardLeblondBy Richard LeBlond

Fisherman’s brewis is an anachronism from the earliest stages of development of fish and clam chowders, when “sea biscuits” – hardtack – were a central ingredient. Brewis is what happens to hardtack when it is soaked in water overnight. Hardtack is a durable cracker that was a major source of limited nutrition on 19th century ships, and in the U.S. Civil War. It often consists solely of flour after the water is baked out of it, and if kept dry, can last for years. There is a joke among Civil War re-enactors that hardtack made during the 1860s tastes just as good now as it did then.

In Newfoundland, fisherman’s brewis was once the main meal for fishermen on a boat, and often a breakfast on shore. It is still eaten today, and is on the menu of some outport restaurants.

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Call For Submissions – Food Writers Wanted


We are looking for great food stories!

We tried that print publishing thing, but books are heavy, take up space, cost a lot to produce, and soak up beer when your table at a book fair collapses… don’t ask. However, we still think that Canadians have some great food stories to tell and some great food traditions that need to be shared.

Which is why we’re trying an alternative, online version of the “literary food journal” project we started with Beer and Butter Tarts.

Here’s the deal – each Monday morning we’ll publish a piece of long-form food writing. This could be anything from fiction to an essay to a fully researched article. We’ll also consider comics, photo essays or a series of artwork. That piece will remain our featured article – at the top of our front page – for the full week. During that week, any donations made to our PayPal tip jar or Patreon page will be split 50/50 with the author (less processing/service charges). Payment could range from only a few dollars to lots of dollars – but will hopefully be a fair amount, on par with professional rates – depending on how much effort the featured writer puts into helping promote their own work.

We hope to start publishing your food stories the first Monday in March, so pop on over to our submission guidelines and send us your stuff.

In the meantime, if you’re planning on enjoying the content on Stained Pages Press, please visit our Support page where you can check out the options available to help us pay our contributors for their work. There’s a couple of tipjar options, as well as a “pay per post” option via Patreon at a variety of different levels, some with fabulous rewards.

Image modified from a photo at Wikimedia Commons under Creative Commons fair use copyright.